I’m a Gagger. You know what that is, don’t you? It’s someome who will gag at the sight of a dentist.
That’s me. When I type the word “dentist,” I gag.
I’m an Anticipatory Gagger. Five days before a dental appointment, I gag. Even if I don’t have an appointment, I’ll gag at a toothpaste ad.
I once gagged two years before a routine cleaning. Worse, I gagged continually from start to finish while filling out an insurance form.
Okay. You get it. I’ m a Gagger. An Antitipatory Gagger. I’ve always been one.
Lately, though, it’s been worse.
My phobia has begun to extend beyond the simple act of gagging in the dentist’s office.
Sights and smells of certain things now cause a little bile to rise in my throat.
For example, I was reclining on the bed clicking my TV clicker as I usually do when all of a sudden I not only gagged, I not only reguritated a little bile, but I let loose a stream of green pea soup ala Linda Blair in The Exorcist.
The cause of my sudden distress…
I distinctly heard a deep voice intone, “And now ladies and gentlemen, we bring you the umpteenth debate between the Seven Dwarfs vying to become the Republican presidential candidate against Barack Obama.”
I grunted, “Huh?” and leaned forward.
Yep, there they were.
The 21st Century reincarnation of
Bashful, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, and Sneezy.
You match the fairy tale names with their real–life counterparts. I can’t. To suggest, even humorously, that Snow White’s admirers are even remotely connected to the bozos and bozo-esses on stage is an insult to dwarfs everywhere.
Why? Something was slightly askew about this current group. They seemed more like a bunch of Hollywood dummies dressed in odd clothes, as if having been placed on a a Star Trek set.
And whereas the original Seven Dwarfs were lovable and cuddly, the current crop appeared vaguely false in every respect, evil reincarnations like the pods in the Body Snatchers.
Moreover, when the clan on stage opened their collective mouths, they always uttered the same words, “It’s all Obama’s fault.”
Obama himself, during an interview on CBS the following day, summarized events perfectly.
“It doesn’t matter who becomes the Republican candidate, the message will be the same. No help for the poor and middle class.”
But by the time Obama uttered these words, I had already made a decision.
No longer would I gag in the dentist’s office. I would save it for the sight and sound of a Republican candidate.
SF Bay Area 