Archive for the ‘Pretty Woman’ Category

To err is human. To forgive is divine.

I therefore enter the realm of divinity by forgiving myself for predicting that Donald Trump would remove Miss California, Carrie Prejean, from her position as Miss California USA, based on a picture or two of Carrie’s half a boob that reached the public eye.

Oh, and there was that little matter of Carrie speaking publicly about her opposition to same-sex marriages.

Well, the Good Donald has permitted Carrie to retain her title.

He hardly mentioned her upper superstructure as a factor in his decision, but, according to The Donald, if opposition to same sex marriages is good enough for the President, it’s good enough for ordinary Americans like beauty queens to oppose them as well.

Okay, so there. I stand publicly chastised by myself for my grievous error.

Geez. Divinity feels wonderful even if real men never apologize.

In fact, I feel so good, I hereby invite our Real Man and America’s Esteemed Waterboarder in chief, Dick Cheney, to admit the error of his ways and jump on the bandwagon.

Try ir Dickie, Baby. You might like it.


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What’s the big deal with Miss California’s boobs? Everyone seems all fidgety because she posed with a half a boob (no nipple) in a lingerie ad. Now, her position as First Runner Up in the Miss USA contest is at the mercy of Donald Trump, who is supposed to make a final decision on Carrie’s status tomorrow. My guess: “You’re fired!”

But, wait…

The boob display won’t do her in. If Trump lets her go, his reason will hinge on her stance on gay marriages. She’s against them and has publicly said so.

I disagree with her, but I see no reason to take away her crown for her views. After all, we live in a country where we supposedly can speak our minds without the government’s interference.

But, wait…

It isn’t the government that wants to nail Carrie. It’s a private organization. See, the Constitution says “Congress shall make no law….” That revered document doesn’t cover private institutions. Organizarions such as Miss USA and Miss California can pretty well set their own speech standards.

So, hasta la vista, baby. It was nice seeing a large photo of your attributes in Google’s Image feature.

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I confess straight up and down that I didn’t watch much of Barack’s speech yesterday. I was too engrossed in the audience.

There was Turncoat Joe, sitting up front somewhere with his classic just-been-hit-in-the-forehead-with-a-rubber-mallet vacant stare, silly grin and all. Sure, he hugged Barack later, but that was just another blatant example of his opportunistic sincerity.

And then Senator Shelby of Alabama. He just stared down at his desk or something, like a sixth grader waiting for the recess bell to ring. To refresh our memories, Shelby not too long ago wandered through fields of poppies and came out wondering if Obama was really qualified to be the President. Then, when someone asked him if he really believed what he had said, he parsed and ‘splained until he worked himself around to his original statement. I think he was tripping through Oz for sure and I bet it galled him that he had to look upward from his seat at Obama behind a kingly dais.

Not to mention Sarah Palin’s ex. Ole John Boy sat there indolently like a Navy captain sneering at some poor seaman. Isn’t it odd that when we think of John, the first image that pops up in our minds is of Sarah as a Miss Alaska Runner-up?

And who could fail to notice Madam Pelosi, even more elevated than Barack, cheering him on with such enthusiasm that at one point she leaped out of her chair and exhorted the crowd to cheer and clap in the manner of a high school cheerleader? This is the same Madam Pelosi who, not long ago, warned Barack that he and Joe better not impinge on her turf. And who, before that, seemed enthralled with GB II’s Iraq war spending. (Note that I did not capitalize the word “war” or classify the operation over there as a real war. I view Iraq as one battle in a larger war, the war for hearts and minds, which we rapidly began losing with the ascendancy of Rush Limnbaugh to the shadow office of Uber-President.)

As for the speech itself, presidential speeches serve many purposes, paramount among them rallying the party and instilling a sense of public confidence in the President. Obama certainly achieved the latter. In a day-after poll, the percentage of those confident in him and his abilities hovered at 91 percent.

Presidential speeches also function as a road map for the nation. They envision the President’s goals and his means of achieving them (programs, e.g.). In the latter sense, only time will tell. A great deal will depend on a cooperative Congress as well as an improving economy. Not all events and outcomes are at the President’s pleasure. However, I am optimistic that Obama’s vision will trump Bobby Jindal’s any day.

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Do you believe anything that appears in the Enquirer? We have had a tendency to look at its stories with a jaundiced eye. That is, until its John Edwards expose proved correct. That one was a real shocker, and practically no one believed it up until the day John confessed.

Still, we are looking at the Enquirer with a jaundiced eye, although less so than pre-Edwards. That’s why we wonder if the Enquirer’s story about Sarah Palin’s supposed affair with a friend and business partner of Todd Palin’s is accurate. The Palin camp has discounted the matter, but a read of the details in the story crafts a plausible scenario.

The Enquirer begins on its front page with a blazing headline: Sarah Palin’s Other Man Revealed! Then below that: Family member tells all: Affair Detailed. And to end the narrative on the front page “She confessed, ‘I love him.'” To top it off, the Enquirer placed a small picture of the other man, labeled Her Love Brad Hanson right below a larger photo of Sarah.

How could anyone passing through a checkout stand resist this one? We couldn’t but we are interested in politics. We think in terms of “How might this affect the election?” Others purchase a copy for the salacious details they hope to find inside. Regardless of motivation, we’d wager a lot of copies of the October 6, 2008 issue were sold to the salacious crowd. We’d also wager that some of the purchasers were Republican lawyers.

To those looking for spicy details, however, they are scant to none. Most of the sources were unnamed, and the one man who agreed to the use of his name had a questionable history. Still, some of the informants seemed to have their own plausible versions. For example, one said that the affair began because Todd was often away on business and Sarah became lonely.

And “a friend” said Sarah confessed to her that she (Sarah) loved the guy. Then, there was the vague observation by someone about Sarah confessing to Todd that it was an “affair of the heart” rather than a full-blown affair as we understand the term.

In any event, true or false, the story has just enough in it to provide Sarah haters with the nail they need to finish nailing her hide to the barn door but not enough to convince Sarah or Todd to ‘fess up. Lacking any more specific facts from named sources, the ‘fess up factor is about the only way anyone will know the truth. In the meantime, do we have more important matters at hand? Seems not, doesn’t it? Salacious trumps importance every time.

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Sarah Palin has charged Barack Obama with “paling” around with terrorists.

Her accusation arises from Obam’s association with Bill Ayers, a Vietnam-era member of the Weather Underground. The Underground was a domestic terrorist group that launched several attacks against American government institutions, including the Pentagon. Obama was eight years old at the time. As an adult, he met Ayers when the two men served on the board of a charity in Chicago where both me lived.

In the Republican Dictionary of Glossolalia, that is “paling around.”

But what about Palin around?

Sarah Palin’s husband, Todd Palin, was a member of the Alaska Independence Party (AIP), a group that espouses the secession of Alaska from the United States. The Party reportedly preaches a hatred for the American government and in the past has cursed the “Damned Flag.”

According to official voter registration records of the State of Alaska, Todd Palin was a member of AIP from 1995 until 2002.

It isn’t known if Sarah Palin was also a member of AIP. Her name doesn’t appear on the voter registration lists that have been released by the McCain campaign, but according to the same source, she courted the founder of the party, Joe Volger, for political support.

Throughout the period of time that Todd Palin was a member of AIP, Sarah Palin was married to him, and we can only infer that their relationship was somewhat more intimate than the relationship between Obama and Ayers.

In other words, the darling of the Republican Party and its candidate for the vice presidency was and apparently still is sleeping with the enemy.

In case you’re wondering about ethics and such. Her low blow against Barack is a hell of a lot lower than my low blow against her. In fact, hers makes mine look like an ode to fair and balanced objectivity.

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Will you watch tonight’s vice presidential debate between Sarah Palin and Joe Biden?

As civic minded, patriotic Americans, it behooves all of us to carefully examine the important issues and cast our votes only after we are assured that one or the other is capable of performing the duties of the Office of the Vice President and, potentially, as Commander in chief.

We cannot, therefore, overemphasize the seriousness of this debate. The outcome of the general election in November may well hinge of how well the two vice presidential candidates perform tonight.

To assist you in your analysis and decision making processes, and to help you digest the essence of the candidates and their performances, here are some factors to note:

  • Sarah Palin’s legs.
  • The number of times Joe Biden drops his eyes to Sarah’s legs.
  • That tell-tale prune face on Joe’s wife when he drops his eyes.
  • The frequency of moderator Gwen Ifil’s apologies about her supporting Obama.
  • The frequency of Joe’s apologies when he’s accused of being a liberal.
  • Whether or not Sarah avoids looking at Joe.
  • Watch Sarah’s wrists, arms, and palms for signs of crib notes. Does she raise an arm and twist it to better read them?
  • Check Sarah’s glasses for tiny squiggles that might suggest a miniature TelePrompTer.
  • Does Sarah refer to the moderator as Katie and to Joe as Charlie?
  • Does Sarah’s husband attack Joe when the debate ends?

Our staff is waiting expectantly for the debate to begin, and we will be on high alert for any unexpected behavior patterns, such as Joe Biden blushing at inappropriate moments.

Good luck to the contenders.

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Yesterday, we filed a report about our innate sympathy for Sarah Palin.

As a counterpoint to our arguments, our East Coast Bureau filed this response:

“Why feel sorry for her? Even after her disastrous interview with Katie Couric, she went on to say that she was “ready, willing, and able” to be the VP should she and McCain be voted in.

“Her enormous ego and towering overconfidence are matched only by her lack of knowledge and her utter lack of interest in gaining knowledge. She’s a “Joe six-pack American,” and that’s all right with her. She’s just like Dubya in this, and no one with any sense feels sorry for him. Don’t waste sympathy on her.”

We want to thank our Intrepid Journalist. And we want to invite all Citizen Journalists to provide us with feedback.

Who among you sympathizes with Sarah Palin? Who among you agrees with our Intrepid East Coast Journalist?

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