Archive for May, 2009

No. And as long as they continue to occur in San Francisco, the Chronicle will continue to remind us.

In its latest recap, the Chron chronicles San Francisco’s Top Ten Sex Scandals from 1879 to the here and now, proving anew that old sex scandals never die, they just find abbreviated life in media outlets desperate for ad revenues.

I don’t believe any of the sex scandals in the Chron’s list is sublime, but one certainly meets the ridiculous standard.

In 1983, a couple of bar personnel decided on some after-hours sex, not an unusual occurrence, but these two chose the top of a piano for their trip to Nirvana. One of them apparently tripped a hydraulic lift, and as they became engrossed in the task at hand, the piano rose to the ceiling, crushing the man and injuring the woman. I’ve often wondered if, during their flight to the moon, one or the other or both achieved an orgasm.

The most recent scandal on the Chron’s list is the Newsom caper. Among other items in its post, the Chron said Newsom apologized “profusely.”

Profusely you say? Profusely? I must have been on my Bicentennial Vacation to Mars when it happened. The apology I saw was short and not to the point. Then, Newsom disappeared, never to be heard from again in connection with his scandal.

Does the Chron’s use of the word “profusely” suggest in some small way that the paper favors Newsom as a candidate for Governor and wishes to minimize his participation in the event?

Not on your tinnie tin tin, girlie girl and boy boy. The Chron would never do such a thing. Would it?

Well, that’s a matter for you to decide. Personally, the Chron can endorse Mickey Mouse for all the effect newspaper endorsements have on voters’s decisions.

But, really, Chron, when you summarize the Newsom case, do you always need to include names other than Newsom’s? After all, Newsom is the one running for governor. The others are sincerely attempting to move on with their lives.

The Chron ought to move on as well. A little more substantive news might enhance its bottom line.

In the meantime, let’s all sit back and wait for the next sex scandal.

Hmmm, I wonder who lightning will strike next.


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With his selection of Sonia Sotomayor to replace David Souter on the U.S. Supreme Court, Barack Obama has kicked up a few little dust devils within the Republican Party.

If the party leans on Sotomayor too heavily during her confirmation hearing before the U.S. Senate, it stands a good chance of alienating the tiny Hispanic vote it now enjoys. If the party doesn’t lean on Sonia, it will inevitably arouse the ire of its conservative base.

If the Republicans in Congress follow recent procedure, they’ll dance around a little during the hearings, leaving the heavy work to such luminaries as Rush Limbaugh. Rush has already leaped on Sonia, flat out calling her a “reverse racist.”

Let me see, if a racist is a bad person, isn’t a reverse racist a good person? That’s my view, but then again, I’m just a hillbilly from Arkansas. Where’s George Carlin when we need someone to interpret the English language for us?

In the meantime, Republican operatives are scouring Sotomayor’s prior legal opinions for signs of, dare I say the word, liberalism. That should be an easy task. To your average conservative, anything and everything is liberal, even the writings of Edmund Burke, founder of modern conservatism and an icon of the movement. Perhaps I overstate my case, but you get the point.

And, as usual, at least one repug has called Sonia an “activist” judge. In repug circles, that’s the ultimate put down. The word sort of suggests to me a judge who, instead of sitting on his or her ass and reading Superman comics, actually reads the Constitution as well as assorted legal cases before rendering a judgment.

I could understand a need for an “inactivist” judge if this were 1789. But 2009 is a wee bit modern. The law is more complex, and the practice of law is no longer merely a matter of whipping out a slate tablet and taking a quick look at a couple of cases from the English Common Law. Today, all of the cases interpreting the Constitution would probably fill the National Archives and Records Service in D.C. and all of its outlying records depositories. Someone has been pretty active over the years, and I would be willing to bet that a goodly share of those cases originated with conservative inactivist judges.

On balance, I have no overriding problem with Sotomayor’s confirmation. From the outset, I opted for a woman Justice, although the thought of a Hispanic woman hadn’t crossed my mind. My primary criterion for any nominee, male or female, was and remains a lack of legal experience of any kind. There are too many lawyers cluttering up the legal system. We need a return to the basics of common sense.

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To err is human. To forgive is divine.

I therefore enter the realm of divinity by forgiving myself for predicting that Donald Trump would remove Miss California, Carrie Prejean, from her position as Miss California USA, based on a picture or two of Carrie’s half a boob that reached the public eye.

Oh, and there was that little matter of Carrie speaking publicly about her opposition to same-sex marriages.

Well, the Good Donald has permitted Carrie to retain her title.

He hardly mentioned her upper superstructure as a factor in his decision, but, according to The Donald, if opposition to same sex marriages is good enough for the President, it’s good enough for ordinary Americans like beauty queens to oppose them as well.

Okay, so there. I stand publicly chastised by myself for my grievous error.

Geez. Divinity feels wonderful even if real men never apologize.

In fact, I feel so good, I hereby invite our Real Man and America’s Esteemed Waterboarder in chief, Dick Cheney, to admit the error of his ways and jump on the bandwagon.

Try ir Dickie, Baby. You might like it.

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What’s the big deal with Miss California’s boobs? Everyone seems all fidgety because she posed with a half a boob (no nipple) in a lingerie ad. Now, her position as First Runner Up in the Miss USA contest is at the mercy of Donald Trump, who is supposed to make a final decision on Carrie’s status tomorrow. My guess: “You’re fired!”

But, wait…

The boob display won’t do her in. If Trump lets her go, his reason will hinge on her stance on gay marriages. She’s against them and has publicly said so.

I disagree with her, but I see no reason to take away her crown for her views. After all, we live in a country where we supposedly can speak our minds without the government’s interference.

But, wait…

It isn’t the government that wants to nail Carrie. It’s a private organization. See, the Constitution says “Congress shall make no law….” That revered document doesn’t cover private institutions. Organizarions such as Miss USA and Miss California can pretty well set their own speech standards.

So, hasta la vista, baby. It was nice seeing a large photo of your attributes in Google’s Image feature.

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Lately, I’ve been in a Facebook frenzy.  For some reason, I started working a few of those idiotic exercises that remind me of the 2nd Grade, like “What kind of element are you (Krypton, it turns out),” or “First 5 cars you owned.”  On the cars thing, I actually couldn’t remember, so I just named the ones I thought would impress the girls. All in all, I ran through about ten of Facebook’s finest. Here they are, along with the results and my observations.

Where have you lived?
Honolulu, HI, San Francisco, Moses Lake, Washington, Petaluma, California and Tokyo, Japan.
Some of these were exciting places, some boring. I think my preference was Petaluma.

Favorite movies of all time
Cool Hand Luke, Dirty Harry, Bullitt, Open Range and Unfaithful.
I included Unfaithful because there is a lot of Diane Lane’s skin along with those gorgeous legs throughout the film.

5 people that I can’t stand
Dick Cheney, George Bush, Donald Rumsfeld, Bill Clinton and Gavin Newsom.
This was so easy. The names popped out without a pause.

5 landmarks I’ve visited
Lincoln Memorial, Vietnam Wall – Wash, DC, Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco, Mississippi River and The Mouth Of The Columbia River.
There have been more on my itinerary, spots like Port Arthur, Texas, but I thought these would impress someone with my dedication to politics and panoramic grandeur.

What do people think of you at first sight?
You are cute.
This is so not true. If there is a non-cute human on the face of the earth, it is me. Call me ugly if you want to, but cute may bring an explosive stream of vomitus in your direction.

Robert took the Are You a Real Texan quiz.
Yes, You’re a Real Texan!
That’s funny. I never was before. And I fully expected not to be following this difficult test of Texas history. I challenge Texans and non-Texans alike to take this quiz.

Robert took the Rorschach Test quiz
The result is Perfectly Sane.
Except that I see a Vampire with Werewolf paws sitting on the head of an ugly kid and a couple of dancing dogs jumping over a chicken.

Robert completed the quiz “So, you think you know American History?”
The result:  Graduate.
Man, the result surprised me. This was another difficult one for me, and again, I challenge the brains among you to prove your knowledge of American history.

Robert took the quiz Where Should You Be Living?
The result: New York
This is absolutely ludicrous. It’s actually just the opposite of every one of my answers. I was thinking of Reno or Winnemucca. Also, Annapolis MD is nice. A few Bay area enclaves were also in the mix. Not to mention the rolling fields of Pennsylvania’s Amish Country. But New York? Give me a break.

One last frenzied attempt. People are challenging me to take the IQ Test. I won’t do it because whoever concocted the quiz wants my cell phone number but I refuse to provide it. I submitted a fake number but it was rejected. Besides, based on the scores of people I know who took the Quiz, I don’t want to embarrass myself with a score of 65 or something.

I’ve invited a few Facebook friends to join me in these fun exercises, but none of the gutless twerps has responded. Well, two have, but they are sterling friends I would trust my life with. The rest are merely collectors of large numbers of “friends” with whom they never communicate.  If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say they are members of the political class, a redundant species that may soon become extinct.

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But not the ordinary run of Supreme Court nominees.We need a woman who has never been s judge in any venue, period. Prior experience corrupts the brain.

Taking it a step further, we need a a Justice without a scintilla of legal education or training. The Constitution requires no such education or experience, and it’s time we broke the old fogey tradition.

Moreover, a rigid and traditional background in a law school followed by legal experience of one sort or another obscures the purpose of the American court system, namely, a search for justice, fairness, and equity.

A lengthy legal background results in a strong tendency to rule based on technicalities regardless of the ultimate outcome which, lately in American courtrooms, has led to the conviction of innocent indiciduals.

Many will say, “What a crackpot idea.”

True, but then again, America was considered a crackpot idea when the nation was formed in 1789. Seems to me, it’s done pretty good.

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I haven’t been able to post anything lately because my wife has been in and out of the hospital since early April.

First, she was admitted for a sort of combined urinary tract-pneumonia infection.

Then, after leaving the hospital, she spent a couple of days at home before she fell and fractured her hip. The hospital surgeon patched her together with a steel rod of somekind and all was well.

But suddenly one night she began to moan in pain and became uncommunicative. This time, the doctors said she had a minor heart attack and a stroke. With medication, she improved and home she went.

Fine and dandy, except that the following day, the hospital called and said they had detected a heretofore undetected blood clot in her heart. Treatment: Warfarin, a powerful rat killer used in modest doses as a clot prevention medication.

Well, now, the day after she began her Warfarin treatment, she was struck by the same frightening symptoms and away she went again to the hospital.

This time, they decided to check every inch of her interior and exterior. They found nothing. Except–and this is a big except–angioplasty did not reveal a clot in her heart. In fact, her arteries were perfectly clear.

The upshot is that she’s home right now without a diagnosis or treatment. So, we’re stuck with big ambulance, hospital, and doctor’s bills.

Where in the fuck is universal health care when a person needs it. Thanks to my wife’s illnesses, I have had to reduce household expenses dramatically.

No more slots in Reno.

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