Facebook Hell

Now that my Firefox browser is functioning adequately, I discovered a useless feature.

Firefox informs me which of my Facebook Friends is online when I login.

Frankly, my dears, I don’t give a damn. It’s going to be one of two or three politicians who apparently leave their Facebook page open in perpetuity.

I have visions of them welding a laptop to a nightstand near their beds and attaching it to a Rube Goldberg device that screeches when an E-mail arrives.

No, my real Facebook interest isn’r in the sleeping habits of politicians but in the little bits and pieces of information an astute observer can detect by closely examining those ubiquitous come-ons (some call them targeted advertisements) that appear in Facebook’s extreme left panel.

Like this morning, I noticed a bit of information that floored me.

Tom Cruise has an IQ of 124. My God, that’s up there in the vicinity of John McCain’s.

Only fools click on those enticements, so I clicked, determined to prove that my IQ is at least equal to Tom’s.

Well, I worked through a 10-question quiz and concluded quickly that my own IQ was bound to be at the top of the IQ scale. 124? Nada, Tom. How about Mensa qualified?

Not to cheer my own intellectual capabilities, but the quiz actually tested the possession of specific, simple facts, like How many sides does a Pentagon have?

Well, the correct answer–growing like a mitosic cell–wasn’t included. Long story short, I checked five because George Bush’s skull has five sides.

Or, What are the primary colors? The choices were red, green, blue, and yellow. Hell, I knew that. Yellow for crissakes. What am I, a moron?

After I checked the correct answer to all of the ten questions, I clicked a button to see the outcome of my genius.

There’s always a catch. The vendor of this clever advertisement wanted my cell phone number before he/she/it would tell me my IQ.

That isn’t the worst of it. When I clicked a Close Window button, I became mired in a never-ending series of windows, none of which wanted to close. I finally shut down my machine and had breakfast.

I have a sneaking hunch some of those windows are lurking beneath the surface, waiting for an appropriate opportunity to grab me by the throat.

I also have this eerie feeling that no one ever scores below Tom Cruise.

Technorati Tags: Facbook,Firefox,IQ Test

Bits and Pieces

Solitude
The house is quiet now that the hordes have departed. I’ve been thinking of a few pearls of wisdom some of them passed along. I’ll try to incorporate them in a post shortly.

Basic Brown
Willie made some cogent observations in his Chron column yesterday. Among other things, he said what I’ve said for months, namely that Obama is his own worst enemy. I’m convinced that Barack is on the edge of losing this election unless he begins to drive the discussion away from Iraq and toward the economy.

Let’s face it. He doesn’t look like a commander in chief. Yes, he looks presidential, but the two are horses of a different color. A stubborn prognathus jaw is required of a CIC. A President has to look, well, thoughtful, stately, Presidential. Barack meets the second spec, but needs a little surgery to create the appropriate pissed-off look of a well-rounded modern American head of state.

Firefox
I downloaded the latest edition of the Firefox browser a few days ago and it has been working well so far. The new one is Version 3.0.1, a much improved browser according to the hype. Previous editions were unstable and on several occasions, I removed the program to prevent computer lockups. If my latest download continues to work as it has for the past several days, the bugs that put the whammy on my machine are gone. Let’s hope…!

The latest version came with a new feature that I like, the ability to enlarge images on the ‘net with your mouse or pad. Most browsers permit type enlargement, but Firefox is the only browser I know about that will enlarge an image.

On my laptop, I can enlarge images by holding the Ctrl key down and clicking ++ several times to get a larger image. On my desktop, the feature works by holding down Ctrl and rolling the mouse scroll wheel.

I don’t know if this feature has any practical application unless you have a fetish for finding warts, pimples, and wrinkles on the faces of people you don’t like, which isn’t a bad idea come to think of of.

Are you into romance?
The Romance Writers of America (RWA) is holding its annual conference July 30-August 2, 2008, at the Marriott Hotel, 55 Fourth Street, San Francisco.

Holy Romance, Lover Man! Is that a suitable location for the flowering of love? I suppose so. An imaginative writer could cook up a plot involving love at first sight between a street denizen who turns out to be a member of Britain’s Royal family and an innocent maiden from Hays, Kansas. I just threw Hays in because there aren’t too many innocent maidens in SF.

Golf can be hazardous to your health
Poor ole Michelle Wie had another kiss of death planted on her Saturday. After playing three rounds of sub-par golf, which put her one stroke behind the leader in the LPGA State Farm Classic going into Sunday, LPGA officials discovered that she had  departed the “Signing” area after the completion of her Saturday round without signing her scorecard, an automatic disqualification.

What else could happen to this poor kid? I can’t think of anything, unless perhaps she gives birth on the 18th hole when she’s fifteen strokes ahead in the world’s most prestigious golf tournament. Birthing during a tournament is probably an automatic disqualification.

Technorati Tags: Willie Brown,Barack Obama,Firefox,Visitors

On the Fly

Family Ties

So, Phil, you wanna spend some time with the family? What? Assist the wife in the operating room? Think she can remove a few warts from Newsie before he throws his campaign for governor in high gear?

Letting It All Hang Out

So, Phil, you think Muhrcuns are whining snivelers? Well, you’re right, pal. Muhrcuh has entirely too many people in it like you.

A Star is Born

So, Bethie, you wanna be a star? You got it, babe. Your performance on Art Bruzzone’s San Francisco Unscripted show tells the tale–intelligent, comfortable with the camera, sparkling eyes and personality. Oh, did I mention beautiful?

By the way, do you and Art have a thing going on here? You two seemed mighty comfortable together. And you kept flashing your palms at him, a certain sign of attraction. Were your pupils dilated, too? That’s a signal of pure animal magnetism.

Terminado para el día

Okay, finished for the day. Family matters demand my attention. Take heed, Phil. Get your running shoes on.

Technorati Tags: Beth Spotswood,Phil Ginsburg,Phil Gramm

As the World Churns

We’ve been rather erratic about our postings lately as we prepare for upcoming earth shaking events.

Later today, an ark load of relatives will descend on us and then a couple days later, another load. I’m writing this on the fly because we have some preparatory activities left on our list, like a haircut and a full tank of gas.

I hope my credit card limit will permit me to fill up. If not, that kills the haircut, too. Our preferred hairstylist, a woman from Germany, a woman we’ve known for more than fifteen years, operates out of a tiny salon in an isolated area of the Western Hemisphere.

I like her because she gives me the skinny on politics and life in Germany while she clips and styles my hair and tells me I need a new hair piece.

Fortunately, I received my Stimulus check a couple of days ago. That should cover one tank, assuming the price of gas at the pump doesn’t increase before I leave home this morning.

I owe George my thanks for stimulating my economy, but a deep respect for honesty and integrity requires me to inform you, George, that the amount isn’t enough to swing my vote to John Boy. Sorry.

So, for the next three weeks, I will probably be even more erratic. My time on the couch in front of a television will vanish, and tech savvy husbands and wives will battle for a ‘net connection on my two available machines.

In a way, isolation from the exciting world of political journalism may be good for my soul–and my golf game.

Back again soon, I hope

Quickie Update

My German barber-political analyst provided me with two quick insights into the social and political situation in Germany, (1) Arabs are invading the country and taking jobs from Germans but the German politicians don’t care; (2) The Germans hate Bush (this said with a hint of venom in her voice.

Technorati Tags: Visiting Relatives,Haircuts,Price of Gas,Stimulus Check

My Personality

I tried Facebook’s My Personality application today. Actually, it isn’t a Facebook application but a third-party program.

The app says the personality test was constructed by a team of professional psychologists. I tried five times to take the test but each time I clicked the test page, the program flickered and labored mightily and then returned me to the same page.

After the 5th try, I spotted a little tiny box in the right-hand corner with directions informing me to check the box if I wanted to have my personality analyzed by pros. By that time, I was a raving lunatic.

Well, I checked the little box, worked through the test, and the results pleased me greatly. I rated 50% on every single personality element.

That’s amazing. I’ve taken tests administered and interpreted by a UC psychology instructor. He informed me that I ought to pack for a trip to Napa. Now, Facebook’s proxy informs me I’ve made a startling recovery.

I’d read that people with emotional and psychological issues have a 50-50 chance of improving whether they seeks treatment from a professional or not. My experience proves the theory.

At any rate, none of this explains why I scored a 50 on every single element on Facebook’s Proxy’s test. You’d think one of them would have been 51 or 49 or something.

I wonder if my answers could have affected the results. I checked Neither Accurate nor Inaccurate to every question.

Well, that’s the way real life really is. Sometimes we like poetry sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we like to let our imaginations run wild on all sorts of fantasies, sometimes we don’t. It all depends. Life is just that way.

So, remember, if you’ve taken Facebook’s Proxy’s My Personality test and scored, say, 90 on fantasies, you might think about packing your own bag and hitchhiking to Napa. There’s a strong chance you need a pro to tell you how to answer psychological test questions.

Technorati Tags: Napa,Facebook,Personality

Legends of Summer

This is a site you may like. The main page is Snopes.com, a site dedicated to urban legends. And as we all know, urban legends are kind of like politicians–inescapable.

One page that caught my eye was about Barack Obama. I wondered what is floating around about him out there in the ether.

Here are a few gems.

• Barack has been endorsed by the KKK.
• Barack’s campaign is funded by Hugo Chavez.
• Baracj urged his supporters to help him change the greatest nation in the history of the world.
• Access to Michelle’s senior thesis has been restricted until after the 2008 election.
• Barack does not qualify as a natural-born citizen because his mother was too young.

Okay, so what’s your take on each of these? True, False, Maybe. For Snopes answers, check the site.

As for me, my favorite is the “natural-born citizen” thing. Boy, Hiddy, that’s a real Constitutional amendment.

Trouble is, the statement is absolute, gold-plated garbage. I wonder how George Carlin would handle that one.

Technorati Tags: Urban Legends,Barack Obama

Resurrection

I thought Don Imus was dead. If he isn’t, he sure looks like it.

When I watched him on television a couple of days ago ’splainin’ his comment about the long rap sheet of Adam “Pacman” Jones, I would have sworn that I was watching a set of empty clothes with a mop sticking out of the shirt collar. And for emphasis, someone had stuck a Stetson on top of it.

I know that’s coarse, and I know I’m probably exposing my age bias and I apologize if my words offend anyone. But I swear, that’s what I thought, and I was always taught to tell the truth. Speaking the truth is an inalienable right under the Constitution of the United States of America. Isn’t it?

Well, that depends. If your name is Charlie Black (McCain’s high powered campaign advisor) and you say outright that a terrorist arrack on America would benefit McCaint, then your career may be in jeopardy. Even though a terrorist attack would definitely aid McCain’s election bid, shush now, Charlie, you aren’t supposed to say so out loud.

So the truth is relative and situational, and now Don Imus in his characteristically convoluted manner of talking without moving his lips and later ’splainin’ his mumbles, is in hot water for suggesting that Blacks are at a high risk of arrest on general principles in some parts of the country.

What’s going to happen to Don this time around? He was fired from one radio station for referring to a girls’ basketball team as “nappy headed ho’s.” His latest faux mumble seems tame compared to that one.

Meanwhile the Talking Pinheads will monopolize valuable air time shouting and screaming and hollering at each other while news of note is unreported or minimized.

I want to know the salacious details of Christie Brinkley’s impending divorce trial.

Late Breaker. Don won’t be fired. He’s safe for the time being.

Technorati Tags: Don Imus,Charlie Black,John McCain